When I started thinking about doing spanking work, I thought it would fulfil some long-held fantasies. I'd never had the chance to be spanked, and I thought it would be brilliant to experience CP in a safe environment, with an experienced top. I was worried I might be too old, too tall, not tough enough or not pretty enough to be accepted by any producers, but it turned out I was wrong. Since I was already working as a nude model, I was also very grateful to discover that spanking production companies were prepared to pay me well enough that I could afford to work with them and take time off afterwards for the bruises to heal.
Being paid to do something I'd always wanted to do was remarkable; liberating, sexy and very exciting. But the best thing about it was totally unexpected. At my first shoot, the absolute joy of being able to talk freely to other people who shared my fetish actually made me feel drunk. I couldn't sleep after my first shoot - the feeling of finally connecting with the spanking world was incredible.
At my next shoot, I met other spanking models for the first time. I'd been very nervous about it - my fantasies didn't involve other girls being spanked too and I was worried I wouldn't enjoy myself. But I'd reckoned without the pleasure of being able to discuss being a submissive/bottom with other girls who shared my perspective. Again, it was such a high to find so much, effortlessly, in common with these girls. Although I've enjoyed the company of other models in my mainstream career, this felt different - we could talk about the stuff that felt really important immediately - I loved the feeling of intimacy.
As I did more and more shoots, this feeling of belonging to a community grew. I met girls who had proper jobs, and whose only modelling work was for CP productions. I met scene players who didn't do any CP production work at all, but wrote extraordinary, intimate blogs about their lifestyles. I met men who offered their considerable skill at no cost to top for CP productions - just for the love of it. And when I was invited to play with some of these people, just for fun instead of for a movie, I realised I was actually becoming part of a real community, not just an industry.
And one of the things I love about this community of producers, bloggers, models, aficionados, anonymous commentators, fans, photographers and writers is the diversity of the fantasies they share. And the fact that this carries over into the way that the performers in CP movies can look.
If I look at an average catwalk show, I see models who are between 5ft8-5ft11 tall, and UK size 6-8. If they're caucasian, they won't be tanned, and they'll rarely have breasts above a B cup. They'll have long limbs and slim hips.
In an average glamour magazine I'd expect to see lots of girls with C/D cup breasts, even, symmetrical features, long, full hair and small waists. They won't have any body hair, but they'll have super-long eyelashes.
When I look at successful spanking models, I see diversity. Of course, there are lots of conventionally pretty girls in this industry too, but the rules of prettiness seem more fluid to me here. Our height can range from below 5ft to over 6ft. Size 6 is ok; so is size 16. You can be 18 years old, or you can be in your 50's and still have people who love your work. You can be soft and vulnerable, you can be toned and ripped. Of course, different people will have different favourites, and no one model will suit everyone's tastes. But I'm very happy to have found that in this industry, my looks are not the only thing that makes me bookable as a model - my fantasies, ideas and ability to take fairly hard CP are as important as my good skin or my toned abs.
So, thank you to all the people who help make this community/industry so inclusive. And well done to everyone (top and bottom, male and female) who has the courage to play their fantasies out on film. I'm sure I'm not alone in doing this despite having physical insecurities, rather than doing so because I have none.
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