Subtlety

I've been irritated for ages by my habit of not posting on my blog unless I have time to post an essay. This is hardly ever, so I'm having a go (and do bear with me if I fail) at posting shorter posts, more often.

This picture (for Restrained Elegance) is what I want to talk (briefly!) about today, because I really like it. The near-symmetry of the composition, the nudity in a formal-looking environment, and the fact that it's not awfully clear what's going on appeals to me (even though it's a picture of me, which normally guarantees I won't find it terribly sexy). As time goes on, I find myself less and less keen on images that give you everything on a plate (in particular, sexually explicit shots, although I'm certainly not telling you that you shouldn't like them) and I find myself getting a great deal of pleasure from the subtler BDSM elements you can sometimes get a glimpse of in mainstream movies. I've been watching The Tudors and finding it fabulously hot in the clandestine way I used to, way before I knew about BDSM erotica. The king is allowed to have sex with anyone he chooses! When the ladies curtsey to him, they never seem to actually get up again! All the actresses look like Met-Art stars! (err, even when they're meant to be 40+, but no matter).

Now, obviously nothing we shoot for Restrained Elegance can afford to be quite so elliptical as mainstream work when it comes to referencing BDSM, but I'm quite keen on the idea of a little subtlety, nevertheless.

Hope you're all well, and thanks as ever for visiting.

A/a xx

Diversity

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about the aesthetics of the spanking scene. So have some of my friends; Leia Ann Woods wrote a thoughtful post on her blog, which I commented on, and then realised I wanted to say more. So here goes.

When I started thinking about doing spanking work, I thought it would fulfil some long-held fantasies. I'd never had the chance to be spanked, and I thought it would be brilliant to experience CP in a safe environment, with an experienced top. I was worried I might be too old, too tall, not tough enough or not pretty enough to be accepted by any producers, but it turned out I was wrong. Since I was already working as a nude model, I was also very grateful to discover that spanking production companies were prepared to pay me well enough that I could afford to work with them and take time off afterwards for the bruises to heal.

Being paid to do something I'd always wanted to do was remarkable; liberating, sexy and very exciting. But the best thing about it was totally unexpected. At my first shoot, the absolute joy of being able to talk freely to other people who shared my fetish actually made me feel drunk. I couldn't sleep after my first shoot - the feeling of finally connecting with the spanking world was incredible.

At my next shoot, I met other spanking models for the first time. I'd been very nervous about it - my fantasies didn't involve other girls being spanked too and I was worried I wouldn't enjoy myself. But I'd reckoned without the pleasure of being able to discuss being a submissive/bottom with other girls who shared my perspective. Again, it was such a high to find so much, effortlessly, in common with these girls. Although I've enjoyed the company of other models in my mainstream career, this felt different - we could talk about the stuff that felt really important immediately - I loved the feeling of intimacy.

As I did more and more shoots, this feeling of belonging to a community grew. I met girls who had proper jobs, and whose only modelling work was for CP productions. I met scene players who didn't do any CP production work at all, but wrote extraordinary, intimate blogs about their lifestyles. I met men who offered their considerable skill at no cost to top for CP productions - just for the love of it. And when I was invited to play with some of these people, just for fun instead of for a movie, I realised I was actually becoming part of a real community, not just an industry.

And one of the things I love about this community of producers, bloggers, models, aficionados, anonymous commentators, fans, photographers and writers is the diversity of the fantasies they share. And the fact that this carries over into the way that the performers in CP movies can look.

If I look at an average catwalk show, I see models who are between 5ft8-5ft11 tall, and UK size 6-8. If they're caucasian, they won't be tanned, and they'll rarely have breasts above a B cup. They'll have long limbs and slim hips.

In an average glamour magazine I'd expect to see lots of girls with C/D cup breasts, even, symmetrical features, long, full hair and small waists. They won't have any body hair, but they'll have super-long eyelashes.

When I look at successful spanking models, I see diversity. Of course, there are lots of conventionally pretty girls in this industry too, but the rules of prettiness seem more fluid to me here. Our height can range from below 5ft to over 6ft. Size 6 is ok; so is size 16. You can be 18 years old, or you can be in your 50's and still have people who love your work. You can be soft and vulnerable, you can be toned and ripped. Of course, different people will have different favourites, and no one model will suit everyone's tastes. But I'm very happy to have found that in this industry, my looks are not the only thing that makes me bookable as a model - my fantasies, ideas and ability to take fairly hard CP are as important as my good skin or my toned abs.

So, thank you to all the people who help make this community/industry so inclusive. And well done to everyone (top and bottom, male and female) who has the courage to play their fantasies out on film. I'm sure I'm not alone in doing this despite having physical insecurities, rather than doing so because I have none.

A/a

Happy New Year!

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Stocking up on BDSM

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Oooh, Erotica

Hello everyone! I seem to be feeling better, and am back at work for now. I'll be having an investigative operation just before Christmas, and will possibly have bits of me removed if it's deemed necessary (I'm hoping they won't take anything important away, like my bottom...). But in the meantime, I'm allowed to shoot again, as long as I'm careful (no hanging upside down for now).

And to celebrate being back, the fabbo John Tisbury has employed me to work on his stand at the Erotica Exhibition in London next week.

This is very exciting for a number of reasons; we're exhibiting John's new work from the last year, which includes some pictures of me that I'm very proud of. I'll get to have a go at trying to make people buy things (I'm rubbish at this - I have no hard-sell ability whatsoever and am slightly pathetically grateful if anyone buys a picture of me). And hopefully, I'll meet a couple of people who read my blog. This is always tremendous fun; so if you happen to be in the London area next weekend come along and find me - I'll be in the art gallery section.

You can even buy the above picture, if you like.

Humiliation

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Medical Fetish?

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A Story in Norway

Once upon a time, a fetish producer called Dr BDM decided it'd be a good idea to take a couple of models to the north of Norway for a bondage shoot. He thought the light would be good, the scenary would be spectacular, and that we'd get bondage shots of a sort that hadn't been seen before.

He chose two models who were fortunately mostly fairly jolly about having to take their clothes off in close-to-freezing conditions. They did insist on keeping their clothes on until the very last minute though, which meant that anyone doing the rigging had to kind of crawl inside their clothes to do so. The models didn't really care, they were too busy singing.

The result was that we made some pictures that we're all really proud of - with a sort of over-blown, epic quality, that some of us (mmmmmmmmmmmm) fantasise about quite a lot. I do love drama.

And I did my best to match my outfits to the country's flag. This gave me an entirely non-fetish related thrill, and I'm hoping the tourist board might possibly be interested in sharing some of our pictures?

Thank you to the BDM for taking me on the most exciting and uncomfortable bondage trip ever, to Steve the super assistant photographer and rigger, and to the gorgeous, giddy, fabulous Katy Cee for being a splendily, giddily fun model to work with (and for building a tent out of reflectors with me)

Whoop!

Ariel xx

All So Unfair

Here is a picture of a nice, helpful, proficient nurse being spanked (at http://www.spanked-in-uniform.com/ - go and have a look!). It's fair enough really, she forgot to wear her hat. She had to put it on again before she got spanked, naturally.

Now, I suppose you could argue that it's a bit harsh to use corporal punishment for such a minor infringement of rules, but I didn't feel as though I was being abused. However, I have been thinking recently about my emotional comfort zones relating to CP roleplay. The reason for this is that when I go to spanking shoots, it's very easy to establish ground rules about some things (like levels of nudity, severity, and payment) but awfully tricky to negotiate the more subtle elements of the planned scenes.

So, these days, I turn up at my CP shoots safe in the knowledge that the following;-

1) Tops who know what they're doing

2) Clean implements

3) Safewords

4) Respectful, non-gyno camera angles

will be in place. Mainly because the people I work with now are lovely, and wouldn't dream of allowing anything dangerous or distasteful to happen.

However, I find it much, much harder to establish emotional limits. I think this is partly because they're too subtle for me to express properly without sounding like a diva. For example, here's a list of things I've found upsetting/a bit yukky during various CP shoots;-

a) a 'headmaster' who tried to touch my breasts. Hmmmm. Easy to avoid in future by insisting that school scenes have to be strictly disciplinary and non-sexual (which I thought everyone already knew anyway, TBH)

b) a 'teacher' who continually called me stupid (bad teaching, I think!) Which was much trickier to know how to deal with, for me. I didn't like being called stupid, I felt as though he was calling me, the ACTRESS stupid, rather than my character (poor chap probably REALLY wasn't). And since my poor character had to keep making mistakes in order to let the scene continue, I started to feel rather annoyed. But on another occasion, with a different actor, I was totally happy to be called stupid a lot; and just rather enjoyed feeling like a martyr. So I can't actually tell people the word 'stupid' is off limits, because it isn't really.

c) having my bottom rubbed in between smacks in school or domestic, non-sexual scenes. It just seems a bit odd, and rather salacious, frankly. Obviously if it's a romantic, husband/wife or consenting-adults kind of scene then it can look (and feel) perfectly normal. But if I'm meant to be hating the spanking, and the Top isn't meant to be enjoying administering it, then it feels a bit ikky. Again, really tricky to explain without sounding rude, stand-offish and rather prudish.

d) suddenly being directed to act aroused by the spanking. Again, I'm totally fine with that in the right scenario - it seems like a nice, and truthful thing to show. But in a scene where the Top is meant to be angry with me, it would look and feel really emotionally miss-matched if I started writhing round in ecstasy, surely? Urgh, a bit complicated to express, because I'm actually happy with being upset at being punished, or delighted by being spanked, but not all in one scene.

e) Being asked to say things which I think sound lame, and/or contrived. I like to maintain control over the things my character says. Which, frankly, IS rather diva-ish, and isn't a privilege I could have hoped to enjoy while I was a mainstream actress. But because CP films demand a fair amount of effort from their actors in terms of improvisation, the diva part of me feels that with the extra responsibility for carrying the story should come the extra power of veto-ing lines that don't feel right for the character I'm playing. Therefore my Naval Officers will never bleat 'ohhh, Sir, not on my BARE bottom!' my spoilt Wives won't clench their jaws and vow 'I'll never tell, you'll have to kill me first' and my Schoolgirls will never purr 'oooh, Sir, you're making me feel really hot.....' Because I say so.

The complexity is added to by the fact that, from time to time, I very much enjoy shooting very weird stuff. The following;-

Being flogged for being a witch even though I WASN'T

Enduring a judicial caning for drug smuggling when I was innocent

Being repeatedly called a stupid girl by my wicked uncle who didn't understand women's rights

Being WOKEN UP, spanked and caned by my private tutor who didn't think much of my understanding of structural engineering

Receiving an 18 stroke caning from the BDM last night just because he FELT like it

all seemed perfectly fair, fun and reasonable. Not forgetting the nurse who didn't like wearing her hat.

My only defence (and I need one, at least for myself) is that spanking modelling has always been something I do primarily for fun, as a kind of present to myself between more mainstream modelling jobs. So, although one should probably be prepared to take the rough with the smooth at work; perhaps it's also OK to have some guidelines that are nothing to do with health and safety.

Bondage Tutorials, and My Inappropriate Fantasy

The BDM runs bondage tutorials once or twice a year, and they're always very fun. This picture was taken at one of them. Everyone who comes to the tutorial gets to choose a bondage/lighting concept that they'd like to try and the BDM does his best to make that come about, even if the concept in question involves difficult, slidy ribbon-bondage.

Obviously, I also do my best to help. At the last tutorial, someone had the EXTRAORDINARY idea of putting me in a metal strappado, in globe cuffs. And very uncomfortable (but strangely interesting) it was.

So I'm very much looking forward to the next Restrained Elegance tutorial. Especially because the only person who's definitely coming to it so far is my good friend Henry Higgins (who, for reasons of excessive stupidity, I seem unable to link to - look at my Friends List instead - sorry!). This is exciting for me because his ideas tend to be more than slightly CP orientated. Mmmm, there has never been spanking related activity at the tutorial before, but now I'm rather hoping that other people who also like spanking-with-their-bondage might come along. In my new fantasy, someone will ask the BDM to demonstrate every single implement that we own on me. Which would take ages, and probably not be particularly instructive. But I'm enjoying thinking about it.

So if that's you, please come! And if Henry is reading this, please don't disappoint me by having a concept which is all about lighting and nothing else. Urgh! I'm extremely interested in spanking and bondage, but not so fascinated by f-stops, honeycombs and barn-doors. If that's what they're called.

I really like being at the mercy of other people's BDSM ideas. Especially when they sound ever-so-slightly too difficult and painful to actually cope with.....

This is a very weird post. Sorry everyone - I'm recovering from a general anaesthetic and everything seems a bit wobbly and unreal. But I do have time off as a result! I'll read it again when the drugs have worn off. I just have a strange desire to communicate.....