And I really thought that maybe I could be. Having worked as a spanking model and often written my own scripts and sometimes kind of directed them, I thought maybe it was time to have my own website and to be an ACTUAL PRODUCER. My boyfriend/Dom/Master (haven't actually worked this out yet) is a proper successful bondage producer, so I've been watching him very beadily over the last few months and decided it didn't look too hard to do.
So having enlisted his help, I planned a two day shoot as a sort of experiment to see if I'd be any good at telling people what to do.
No, I am jolly well not.
Niki Flynn, like the Good Fairy of Spanking, offered to model so I could practice on her, and since I love acting all bratty and horrible when we're together, I though that'd be just super. I chose a super-lovely Top with years of experience, and a good photographer friend of mine offered the use of his beautiful spacious apartment. BDM (the boyfriend/Dom/Master) couldn't have been more helpful, doing the whole director of photography bit AND wading in front of the camera to be the Top on the second day. Even the location owner kindly offered to do some spanking for us (OUCH! Niki and I both regretted asking for his help - he was VERY enthusiastic, with a terrifyingly good technique for a beginner!)
But I'm afraid I kind of hated it. I couldn't concentrate on getting into character, which meant all the spanking hurt a LOT more than normal because I wasn't in the right kind of headspace. And I HATED, HATED, HATED telling the Tops what to do. And being in charge of how much Niki got punished REALLY freaked me out. I've seen her getting spanked and caned both on film (mmmm, am a bit of a Niki-stalker) and in real life, but as soon as it was my responsibility to make sure everything was ok, I lost my nerve and kept wanting to cut.
Basically I suppose I felt guilty, guilty, guilty for making people do what I wanted them to. And I've discovered how much I really love being employed by someone else - it makes me feel all safe and comforted, and, well, sub.
So I shall do something with the stuff we shot (some of it is absolutely SUPER, I'm particularly excited about the spanking music video we made) and go back to being a humble model.
I wonder if there are subs who really enjoy being the boss in their non-sexual life? I obviously can't cope at all, but surely some people can......
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12 comments:
Hello you! I was looking just the other day for places Ariel lives online so I could email her something. Welcome to the blogging world! I'm thrilled that you've joined us, and fully intend to stalk you - uh, I mean, read avidly. xx
Awww, you were lovely. I know you don't agree, but you simply lack perspective when it comes to yourself. Still, I totally understand how being in charge made you feel uncomfortable. I'd have felt the same in your position. (Though I wouldn't really have felt guilty about watching you get smacked. Sorry!)
So do what you're best at - being lovely and bratty and subby and do what you love most - being tied up and spanked and bossed around. Just make sure you blog *everything*!
Looking forward to being a pet-girl with you this summer! Now, repeat after me: Mein deutsch ist Scheisse. Woof, woof!
Maybe you just need to hire a director, give him/her instructions as to what you want for the scenario, and be ordered around like you enjoy usually :)
Hi Ariel / Jane!
Just wanted to stop by, and tell you that I really like your writing style. You really are a funny girl! :D
Cya (and readYa) again!
Cheers, Marius
Oh yeaaaah. More fascinating pics of you to marvel over! Can only be a Good Thing.
Loved hurting you and stuffs, but hoping at some point we can sub alongside eachother as well. If only to allay a teeny bit of the small amount of guilt/envy/feeling left-out that I had to suffer so much when I was beating you up.
;)
Ariel/Amelia
Welcome to the land of blogs, having enjoyed your films on firmhand in particular your undercover work and its resultant thrashing, i'm really pleased you are now blogging!
I think you raise an interesting issue about being dominant in one aspect of your life and not in others. I've worked with several people in the privaye sector who were v senior and dominant in that area of their life but v differentr in their personal life so i think it is quite possible to be both. However, as Niki said do what you enjoy and feel most comfortable with now, you never know your journey has only just begun and who knows where it might take you!
Welcome
Paul
Thank goodness you are not Sir Alan. Whatever talents he may have, they cannot match yours im either of your persona. Reading this entry I was wondering - still al really - how you discivered your spanking/bondage self in the first instant. You have certainly made a huge impact in a fairly short time - or what seems fairly short - but there must have been something there long before you "went public". I also wondered whether you would have found the weekend shoot (and you must tell us sometime where we can find the results) more enjoyable if yuou had concentrated solely on being director rather than being a sub at the same time. I can understand that your headspace wasn't right for the spankings you took when you were also totally in charge. Nikki may be right in suggesting that you "lack perspective" and is surely sufficiently experienced to know what she is saying when she said you were lovely that weekend. So follow her advice and do what you do best - as a bratty sub and slave Queen - but try directing again somewhen: the impulse that made you try it surely means that a part of you really does want to make it work.
Oh - and don't believe Any when she says she felt guilt at "beating you up". I am sure she enjoyed every second of it.
Great blog, and good luck with future attempts at directing -- it will get easier. It's not so much bossing people around as "having a creative vision" that you want to see fulfilled, right?
One of the reasons I submit is that in real life, whether you are the boss or not, there are SO many responsibilities. When you submit, when you're tied up and/or punished, "all" you have to do is accept being done to...
Cassandra/Sandy
Returning to this post now that I have a bit more time :)
1. Spanking music video! Now that sounds awesome. I've been talking to a producer recently about putting together a spanking version of Beyonce & Shakira "Beautiful Liar". Now I just need to find two gorgeous spankees who can bellydance ... (And then I'll lock them up and keep them, mwahahhahaa).
2. I know what you mean about directing. I am one of those subs who's fairly dominant in her normal life - I give my partners authority in certain areas, but everything else is mine, and particularly my career, finances etc. That said, I tend to hire directors if I'm producing a film myself (my Mr C directs well if he's topping, which helps), because I can't cope with acting and directing at the same time. One or the other, fine, but not both at once!
Ha, thank you for visiting, all you lovely people :) And thank you for your kind words about directing/producing/being spanked....
Actually, having had a week to think about it; I realise I'm fine with directing if I'm being employed to do it, I just don't like having over-all ownership of what we're producing. Even if I hadn't been getting spanked too, I'd still have had the guilt about being the one making Niki get spanked....
Anyway, whatever happens, the work we shot will certainly see the light of day. I'm super-proud of Niki's performance, and I'll put up stills as soon as I get them :)
A/a
Ah! Rutherford! 4229 I believe....
Glad the rehabilitation worked, though I believe you may yet end up inside again :o)
You, Hunter, Woods.....hmm...I feel a scenario coming on.
Or it might be the new Y fronts.
When writing, I abide by this edict.
Ahem!
Before you comment on anyone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you do, you're a mile away and you've got their shoes! Result!
Anyhoo, must fly, Lewis is breaking up some Elizabethan action again, bless 'im.
Good luck 4229, carry on!
The Guv
xx
All I can say babe is that it gets easier the more you do it :-) We all know what I bitch I am with my Director hat on! Heh! Though I do empathise with having to direct something you are also appearing in. It is rather difficult.
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