Not Dead, Just Busy

'Ariel' from The Tempest. Courtesy of William Shakespeare, Dangerpics and Evie Wolfe

Hello everyone! I'm sorry that this'll very likely be a horrible dull post, because I'm freakily busy and my head is a bit buzzy and confused. So I'm probably going to write nonsense. But I didn't want to abandon my blog for too criminally long a period of time after everyone's lovely kind comments about being engaged to the BDM. So I'm writing to tell you that I'm alive, still being tied up and spanked a great deal, and enjoying making wedding dress prototypes.

I think I'm going to write about something that concerns me quite often. As my profile as a fetish model has grown (which I'm not complaining about in itself, nope, I'm very happy, thank you) and I've become busier and busier as a result, I frequently feel as though I'm almost drowning in busy-ness. I know this isn't unique to me, I think lots of people in the busiest period of their careers probably feel similar. But I do feel guilty that there are lots of things (both personal and work related) that I simply don't have time to do. Here's a list of the work-related ones (I'll never stop loving lists).

1) Link exchanges. Oh God. I know these are probably important, but it's too, too slow and boring...

2) Writing about recent shoots. Actually, I'd love to be able to write about pretty much every fetish shoot I have, since almost all of them are great experiences. And yet, I hardly ever have time, or by the time I do the shoot's so far in the past that it feels a bit mental. And I'm scared of insulting all the producers I haven't written about. So I'm abysmal at this.

3) Buying outfits. That really would be a lot of fun; searching eBay for fun clothes to wear at shoots is something I love doing, but I hardly ever have time. Fortunately for me, I've got a good wardrobe built up already and I do grab new clothes whenever I'm going through airports or have a few hours free between shoots, but I'd love to devote more time to it.

4) Writing scripts. I already do write scripts, most often for Restrained Elegance and for Firm Hand Spanking because both companies have a budget to pay for script-writing time. But when I started BDSM modelling, I used to contribute ideas and fantasies to many shoots during the pre-shoot process. I'd love to be more helpful, but increasingly I have to answer requests like that by saying 'I'll give you ideas on the day, honestly; but I don't have time to write anything now'. Which is absolutely true, but I don't feel great about it.

5) Doing interviews. I get asked for these a lot, and I've got nowhere near enough time to fulfill every request. I tend to choose to do them for people I have an existing relationship with, or people who've put the most effort into the questions they want me to answer. But ideally, I'd do every interview I was offered; it'd feel more polite and it's always nice to be asked.

6) Probably most importantly; socialising with the lovely people I've met through working in this industry. I count some of them amongst my closest friends, but it's rare to see them unless we're doing something work related. And it makes me feel very sad sometimes, that meeting the super, kinky people I now know as a result of my job is one of the best things that's come from being a BDSM model; but it seems to have come at the cost of not actually having time to see any of them regularly.

7) Oh GOD; emails. I feel like I'm drowning in them. And somehow Twitter, Facebook et al seem to have turned into extra inboxes for me. I dream about them.

At home, it's also tricky; the BDM is super, and I'm so happy to be marrying him. I just wish I saw more of him, and I wish that I could promise him I'll be home a lot more once we're married. I'm certainly trying; I'm cutting back on long trips abroad and I'm taking a day every couple of weeks to do admin so I don't have to catch up with it on on days off cos that feels rude and intolerable. Gosh, but wouldn't it be lovely to be an aristocrat or something? I feel as though I could fill a whole lifetime doing nice things with the BDM without getting anywhere near bored enough to need another form of entertainment. I'm sure lots of people would feel the same; when did we all start working so bloody hard, I wonder?

At present, these seem to be the things I do most;-

1) Answer emails. And many of them are to lovely people, discussing tremendously fun projects, but golly, it's hard work staying anywhere near up-to-date if you also want to get enough sleep.

2) Pack suitcases. Every job requires different clothing, and hours a week of my time are spent unpacking, laundering and packing again. I'm wondering about instituting a personal policy of permanent nudity, and not bringing any clothes to any of my shoots at all.

3) Drive. Actually, I love driving, which is a blessing. And audiobooks save my sanity. But it turns 8 hour shoot days into 14 hour marathons, quite often.

4) Book hotels. Like, every day. LOL, I'm sick of it, do any fetish models have managers, I wonder?

Ohhhhh Lordy, I sound like such a victim. I do apologise; bleating about relative success is a ridiculous thing to do and I do love my job. But finding the energy to do all the things associated with shooting is hard at the moment. And as a result, a lot of my fantasies are pet girl related. Very little responsibility sounds like just the thing.

Happy Easter everyone, am hoping that you're a bit less stressy than me at present. I'm wondering about how to simplify my life a bit in order to achieve a clearer head :)